God, you know I hold my family together:
balancing the needs of everyone,
the schedules of everyone,
the health of everyone,
juggling each ball with dexterity
and not dropping one, not one.
I give thanks for strength and stamina.
But there’s a haunting sense
that I’ve reached my limits
and that even this camel’s back
will not take one straw more.
One morning will I stand on the road
and say, “I can’t do this”?
I am too afraid to even go there.
I have not let “can’t” be part of my vocabulary.
There are people who need me,
children who need me
and I would give my life for them.
I give my life for them.
I need more strength, more time, more energy
for the journey stretches before me.
Jesus, you walked a road in Jerusalem
carrying a heavy load
that you took up willingly,
knowing it was your burden to bear.
What happened when your body said “Can’t”
and you fell there on that dusty road?
Did you have the feeling of defeat I’m fearing?
Did you look on Simon from Cyrene
with despair or gratefulness?
Spirit, give me wisdom on my road
to know that you are with me when I can
and that you will be there with me
on the ground when I can’t.
When others have to carry for me
you will know that my spirit is willing,
but the flesh is only human.
God of the winding road,
God of the heavy load,
God of the time to pick things up
God of the time to lay things down,
be my God, now and always.
I am a Mennonite pastor currently teaching theology at Conrad Grebel University College in Waterloo, Ontario. I’ve served congregations in Ontario and most recently, Alberta.