Jesus, please do something
about this green-eyed cat jealousy
who has parked herself in my house
purring discontent.
She seemed sweet enough on the doorstep
with her message of “poor you”.
Once in, she patted me with soft paws mewing,
“that’s not fair” and “you deserve better”.
She lapped up all the milk of human kindness
Thank you God for sexual attraction,
for the pull of thoughts and emotions and bodies.
Thank you that we are creatures
who feel for each other and with each other.
Give us wisdom in this give and take,
to give our best with kindness,
to take what’s given graciously.
Preserve us from dangers of intimacy,
from giving ourselves too hastily,
from taking without reverence.
In the flesh and blood of our relationships
may integrity and fidelity kiss.
Blank disbelief was my reaction
the day faith disappeared into the black hole.
My life’s experience of God,
a rich storehouse of meaning–
suddenly and inexplicably empty.
There was no painful grappling
with an angel from God,
no kicking and screaming as religious certainty
was dragged out the door,
no intellectual duels agonizingly lost,
no moral crisis to point to
God who gave me children,
give me wisdom in the in-between.
Between the child and the adult,
between the clinging and the pushing away,
between the I love you and the I hate you,
between the we and the me,
between the innocence and the maturity,
between the fearfulness and the confidence,
between the needing and the not needing,
between the staying together and the going away,
On the day fear parks itself in my throat;
when the mountain to be climbed
is the next twenty-four hours
and my ears already echo
with the news I do not want to hear;
as my stomach plummets
and fear pick-axes my heart;
while my mind careens
from possibility to possibility;
as the edges of my known world crumble,
I am a Mennonite pastor currently teaching theology at Conrad Grebel University College in Waterloo, Ontario. I’ve served congregations in Ontario and most recently, Alberta.
I love to write and to lead worship! If you are finding my writing helpful, I would love to hear from you! Feel free to use or adapt the material here, it is all written by me. If printing material, please credit “Copyright Carol Penner www.leadinginworship.com” (and say whether you modified it). If publishing, please contact me for permission. Contact me at carol@leadinginworship.com
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