We love our friends,
we think the best of them until
their actions bring us up short.
The fall from high regard
leaves us dizzy and disoriented.
Esteem and trust plummet
as deep disappointment blossoms.
God, can you fathom the human heart?
Is our dismay a faint echo of your own?…
Hear now, God, the prayer of hostages!
Prayers spoken through teeth clenched in fear,
prayers courageously floating on a tide of despair,
prayers that are a slender thread of hope.
Lord, we join our voices with all captives,
crying for freedom and return.
We cry for an end to the nightmare
of each soul in captivity….
When I am beside myself with grief–
Jesus, you are there beside me.
When my mind reels and I feel like I’m falling—
Jesus, you are the fixed point that does not move.
When grief’s bands tighten around my chest—
Jesus, you are the oxygen I breathe.
When the ache in my heart is the only thing I feel—
Jesus, save me.
You who wept with sorrow and with fear,
thank you for staying with me in this hour,
this hour of grief.
At the last kiss,
at the final true laugh,
at the bottom of the body’s decline,
at the mind’s last conscious thought,
at the moment when love vanishes,
at the end of all remembering,
be the God at the last.
Be the God of wrinkled bodies and stooped shoulders,
the God of vacant eyes and open mouths,
the God of incontinence and shaking.
Be the God who holds the hand,
the God who soothes the brow,
the God who whispers words of comfort
and the God who hums a lullaby
until the last sleep falls.
There’s a swamp of secrets here
stretching as far as the eye can see.
Secrets, crossed over with lies, half-submerged,
the muck of deception clings close
and there is something rotten in the state of grace.
You speak about your life, lightly,
and politely comment on the weather.
Your eyes tell a different story.
You are mired here, bone-mired,
in mud that will not let you go.
You are trapped and alone
God, I have entered the irritation zone.
In the irritation zone,
conversations always rub me the wrong way,
nothing is where I left it,
everyone is being inconsiderate to me
and it is all taking too much time.
In the irritation zone,
my skin feels like its crawling,
my stomach is a tight ball,…
When all is not what it seems,
when evil masquerades as good,
when it seems the wrong path is calling us,
Jesus, we need your help.
When sexually explicit images appear before us,
when curiosity and desire urge us to linger,
when it seems innocent just to look,
Jesus, we need your help.
At this time of year as we sing “Silent night”
with its echoes of calm and heavenly peace,
we say a prayer for all who live in homes
where peace is absent.
We pray for children who live with fear,
whose homes are not a place of safety,
who live with beatings, both physical and verbal.
We pray for seniors and other vulnerable people
whose caregivers do not care
as they are neglected or degraded.
Such a good idea, the family.
Generations supporting each other,
the network of love binding us together,
stronger than any genetic tie.
How can such a good idea fall so flat?
Here’s the damage:
broken trust
broken vows
broken feelings
broken futures.
I am a Mennonite pastor currently teaching theology at Conrad Grebel University College in Waterloo, Ontario. I’ve served congregations in Ontario and most recently, Alberta.
I love to write and to lead worship! If you are finding my writing helpful, I would love to hear from you! Feel free to use or adapt the material here, it is all written by me. If printing material, please credit “Copyright Carol Penner www.leadinginworship.com” (and say whether you modified it). If publishing, please contact me for permission. Contact me at carol@leadinginworship.com
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